Another Zig in my Zag

So round 485 .... my ankle gave out when we went back to school. Hurts like heck. Pulled muscle or tendon or something. ANYway, my 2 miles a day came to a grinding halt. Did I make it better by going to the gym and riding bikes? Nope. I let the hours of the day get to me and didn't do a DAMN thing. Nothing. Nada.

So I got myself yet another gym membership and hired a trainer. I went once and our schedules conflicted for the next 2 weeks. Did I go in on my own? Hell no. The busy days, you know.

So I met up with her again, yesterday. After the session we worked on our calendars. It isn't easy, but we got in at least 1 meeting a week, usually 2, even if they were back to back. I am hoping that's a good sign. I do mean to do this. Really.

NOT Giving Up!

This is a journey. A very zig zaggy journey, but a journey. I just took a whopping walk around the block. Wow. It's still a good 90 degrees at 9pm, but I really quit because of the danged pulled muscle in my ankle. I thought it was healed, but nope. 

So here I sit on my porch. Argh! I was inspired tonight, though, by Janelle on Sister Wives. Weighing in at 271 pounds, she is going at getting fit. Her trainer threw the scales away (very dramatic tv) and told her to quit fixating on the numbers. Now she just works at getting stronger. She credits her mentors. 

My therapist is one mentor. We're starting to work on my attitude. I like where we're going. 

I want to find a physical mentor, too. My last trainer was a disaster. I should have dumped her, but what is done is done. I need a trainer who is willing to do what Janelle's does. I also need advice about what do do with pulled muscles and how to work around them. I'm going to find him/her. 

Ha! I love it!

It has dawned on me that I can let go of the scale. I've been fat for most of the last 60 years. It's ok. With that, I have turned my attention to getting my body to move easily. 

I'm walking twice a day, just one mile at a time. It's not a major deal. I have a hard time talking myself out of it. By going in the early morning and after sundown, the temps are low and the whole experience is actually enjoyable. I won't win any marathons, but I feel a ton better than I did. 

I've also given up worrying about wearing a bathing suit. Now, I don't want to scare people, but I actually jumped in and played in the creek at our last camping adventure. It was so much fun. I realized how much I've missed my whole life because of that false front I was putting out there. (PS: when I walked up the fairly steep trail back to camp, I was actually doing it easily.)

Vacation ends this week, and I really hope I keep it up. The plan is to dress and walk before leaving, then do it again before bed. Seems doable. When things cool off, I can get the pm one in sooner. 

I'm Boring, But I'm Here

Tried to hike and nearly collapsed. Tried to whitewater raft and ... well, thank God the crew members could get us out of those tumultuous waves and vortexes. Good wake-up calls.

I'm doing one mile in the morning and one at night, before and after the heat. That alone is making my muscles weary. Not SORE. Just tired. And that's ok. Granted, I'm only on day 3 of this fab new plan, but it's a start. Again.

All you can see of me is my hand and arm (yellow).
I'm on the bottom of the raft ... again.

Who the Hell Am I?

I have two reunions coming up. High school and college. I wanted to lose at least 40 pounds; more would have been better. Yeah, well, the first one is a week from now. I may have gained in that time. What a freak.

Then, last night, it occurred to me that my weight doesn't matter ONE bit. What was I hoping for? A hook-up? At 62??? Dang. I don't even know what I'm about, do I? Reality check: I'm me, not an 18 yr old wanna be. I'm going to go to those reunions looking forward to focusing on THEM, not me. I can't wait to see what they have been doing, not whether they're fat or skinny. And it is HIGHLY unlikely that there would be any hook ups. Besides, if some cute old fart WOULD have hooked up with a skinny me, but not the current me, who wants him? So, it's all good.

Back to the topic of my blog. (Btw, I realize nobody reads this, but I like to think I'm talking to someone.). ANYway, I do still want a thinner body for comfort and health. But no more beating myself up. I'm going to like me from now on. I'm a neat person, really.

So starting at the basics: why do I over eat? Because I am a #1 member of the Clean Your Plate Club. Have been, for more than half a century. I'm going back to that original programming and overriding the data by leaving a little on the plate. Whenever I do, I take a picture of it and upload it to my photos.  Here's what is unbelievable. There aren't many pictures! It is SO hard to do! Logic tells me that that one little bite won't fill me up. It's insignificant. Still, I either blow right through the whole serving or consciously eat it because I just can't leave it. That is some strong programming right there. I understand how the brain works, so I know that persistence will win. I just hope I live long enough.

Regrouping

Pool time! I have my tube!

Ummmmm .... I admit I'm only writing because I committed to doing this and, in the long run, it will be beneficial for me to fess-up and keep honest. Check out that bulbous inner tube around my tummy. Looks just like one, but it's all me.

I gained this month. There it is. The no exercise business was phooey. I'm back on it. I also found out I'm not a vegan. So, I'm back to whole foods. Eating smart, only. I believe my therapy is going to help the most. I'm learning quite a lot about my thinking, lately.

Ok, here's to a better month this month! I know I can do better than I have done.

Insights and Stuff

Yesterday, I met with a friend and some of her friends. One of them was a very well-put-together lady who mentioned maybe three times how she needed to get her eating back under control again after this vacation. It got old, but when she burst into pure joy over a phone call from her overweight daughter, I realized I was talking with a clone of my mother. I mean, obviously, she loves her daughter and wants her to be healthy, but there was something so God-awful familiar and UNhealthy about her attitude. Daughter had had a gastric bypass and was calling to report that her cholesterol and blood sugars were down. Mom's over-done joy was so sad to me. The idea that her daughter had made her mom happy by having a life-threatening operation, made me want to cry for her. She had to be fixed for mom to be happy. Now, don't get me wrong. I know fat is unhealthy, but this was too much. Her constant talk about weight was disgustingly reminiscent of what I lived with all those years. I wanted to shake her.

I also just finished visiting the Biggest Loser FaceBook page. This is something I've been doing less and less. It's the same thing over and over and it seems that everyone goes to the resort, loses weight, and becomes a runner. Blah, blah, blah. It's fine for them, but this is me. Call me a loser, but this is my reality. I've been to the resort, I didn't really lose anything (a pound each time), and I continue to "maintain". Still, I'm not a giver-upper.

First of all, I'm 62. I'm freaking OLD! I won't be able to compete with my younger self, no matter what. But I will see what a 62-year-old can do. I like what I'm doing and the path I'm on.

Exercise: My daily (well, almost) one-mile walks have been fairly easy to get in. Just something about it being only a mile, takes less time and I'm more likely to cram it in. My only concern is my feet/ankles. They're really hurting. Yes, I know that it's because of the weight on top of them, but I have to move to get the weight off. Vicious circle. ANYway, I'm keeping it all at a mile a day until that is as ingrained in me as my 20-min of cleaning. Speaking of which, I can't rave about that enough. Wake up, hit the ladies' room, and clean for 20 minutes. When the timer goes off, it's time for coffee and breakfast and THAT is when you wake up. Cleaning in my sleep is the bomb!

Food: I'm believing more and more in the vegan lifestyle and common sense of it. I nearly ordered vegan at the restaurant yesterday. "Nearly" being the key word. At the last minute, I threw in the chicken. One step at a time. I did shop for my one cooked meal for the week from McDougall's book and I have stopped buying the cottage cheese, cheese, and yogurts. Still have some left, but they will eventually disappear. I have already cut out the dairy in my oatmeal without a hitch.

Onward and upward ... NO ... DOWNward!

Weigh Day

I SO do not want to do this. Right now I know with certainty that I have gone up instead of down. Even though I finally did create the two new habits that will help, I didn't really follow them until the last week or so. Diet wasn't even on the table (super puny!) so that couldn't have helped.

Here is what I've done right: sleep and walking. It sounds so simple, but it took for flipping ever to incorporate them into a daily pattern.

Eight hours a night during the week for me means I have to head toward bed at 7:30. But it makes a huge difference in my days. Huge. I'm also getting up at my usual 4am, but starting right off with 20 min of house cleaning. It may have nothing to do with weight loss, but it's fabulous! The house always looks decent and I don't even remember doing it, since I was basically sleep cleaning.

The walking took longer to incorporate. But really. A mile. One mile. I don't even HAVE to change shoes, let alone clothes. I finally started doing it before going in the house when I come home.

So this is good. I have started. The plan for this month is to work my way into a vegan diet. It will be slow for two reasons. One, I have a lot of frozen lunches that I'm too cheap to throw away. Two, that's drastic for me (no more yogurt???). I'll need to ease into this.

Ok. Here goes. More after I quit boohooing over the scales. Gulp.

PS:  Hooray!!!! Down over 3 pounds!!!! Walking and sleeping do work, even if only for a week or so!

Plan, Stupid, Plan!

When last we spoke, I mentioned that Jillian had added a team sport to the child's already crammed schedule. There was nothing, I mean NOTHING, about how to fit more into her already-over-scheduled days. So, what did I do? Whine. And then ... nothing. As a result, I too failed to find a solution. What a nerd.

You can't succeed without a plan. I went through the week "hoping" to find time to move. Right. That worked, said no lazy couch-lover, ever.

THE PLAN for Born Again Beginners: 1 Mile/day during the week and 2 miles on Saturdays. Really. I can't go home until it's done. There's the rule. Walking shoes in the car. No need to change clothes. Just walk. Just go.

Just DO IT, missy. No thinking. Just doing. No "iffing". Just doing. No "butting". Just doing. Every day. Before going home. Move.

I've calendared it, so it is so. See you next week.

Inspired by Dolvett

Well, who wouldn't be? But as the man whom I have dibbed as MY trainer, he has lit the fire under this old broad.

First, my week's goals. Get 8+ hrs of sleep and do 20 min of cleaning each morning. I did it and I love it!! This is a habit I can do! I just can't imagine fitting in the exercise. I did "move" this weekend. I cleaned out most of my garage so that I can get my little trailer in there before this week's storm. I also spent the weekend with friends. One has a horse, so I brushed him. That's moving!

This is love

This week's show did a few things, actually. Jillian supposedly relieved the horrendous schedule that Sunny lives with by .... ADDING crew? Really JM? I mean, I was excited because the girl was constantly doing something, so I was ready for Jillian's fix. Nothing. Maybe we'll get more insight next week.

Grammi, your weight is ...

I'm no longer in onederland. The good news is that I must be on Team Dolvett, because I have the red shirt. I'm going to actually publish my weight. If anyone is reading this, I want you to know that this is the single most difficult thing I have ever done. How insane is it that I have always kept my weight secret, when anyone with eyes can see it? Putting the true number out there is such a big deal to me. This time, however, I am not going to think. I'm just doing. Since my heart wasn't into this go-round, I figure that thinking will only get in the way.

So, here's the plan for the week: Sleep eight hours plus per night. Don't judge. I'm taking this in pieces. A lack of sleep is my number one enemy. Because I wake up at 4am during the school week, I NEED to structure my days so that I can actually fall asleep at 8pm. That means heading for bed even earlier. Oy. This is going to be tough! It's absolutely necessary, though. I eat sugars to keep myself awake and alert.

I also need to move when I wake up. The treadmill would be ideal, but I'm going to combine the need to fit more into my shorter days with moving ... 20 minutes of house cleaning. Sexy, isn't it? I've been doing the 20 minutes/day of cleaning plan for awhile, now, and I really like it. The only problem is that it's so darned hard to do that after a day at work. It was easy during vacation. Therefore, by moving it to my 4am wake-up, I will be knocking off one less chore and actually moving. This will cut into my FaceBook time, so I'll have to suffer through that.

I can devote less time to breakfast by having my oatmeal and coffee all made ahead of time. I'm doing this on the weekend with overnight oatmeal in the crockpot and making full pots of coffee on both days. I have enough of both to get me through the work week.

Sleep, clean, and admit my weight. Nothing is fun about this.

Checking In

What shall I call my make believe BL experience? The ranch, like they do? But it won't be as intense, so no. The ranchette? Done.

So I have checked in at the ranchette. Curiously, I appear to be the only one here. Odd. To begin, I have kicked the experience off with a little spa treatment. This is something I need to schedule, regularly!

Tomorrow, I weigh in. Gulp.

C.A.R.E.

Lost. For the first time in decades, I feel completely lost in weight loss land. I've never had a problem CARING before, but now I do. I'm gaining weight and losing muscle. I'm busy. I'm enjoying. I'm just not caring about the weight.

Therapy is beginning to tap into what is going on/has been going on with me on this topic since childhood. We found a "nugget" last week that she says will be a springboard for our next meeting. I hope so. I'm sick of the failure.

I didn't want to post this because it's the opposite of what this blog is supposed to even be about. Then again, it is part of the process, so on it goes. Meanwhile, I'm going to force the issue. I'm going to get back into doing it, even if I'm not feeling it. I had a crazy idea as I was watching The Biggest Loser. Since I'm a huge (double meaning) fan and I got to attend the premiere this season, where they gave us a T-Shirt, I could play pretend. If I pretend to care, maybe I will!

Stay tuned. I'm hoping I can fake it to reality.