I Will NOT Quit!

The disappointment I felt this week is overwhelming, but it won't get me. I was waiting so long for this appointment with the foot doc. I just knew he'd have a solid answer for the solution to the pain I feel whenever I walk.

Not only did he offer nothing more than Skechers Shape Ups, but he was incredibly ignorant and rude. When I said that it was nearly impossible to hike because of the pain, he (no lie) actually said, "Hiking? You don't look like ... "

At this, I butted in with, "Watch out!"

Dr Jerkface

"... well, it's just that you don't have the body type to be a hiker."

I assured him that I love hiking, but it hurts so much.

"Oh, you like to hike, but you don't hike."

Honest. This is a respected (by others), educated person. I've so had it with idiots. I can't tell you how much that hurt my very core. The dismissive attitude of jerks who have not had to deal with weight issues needs to be addressed in HELL. Please, God, let there be a hell. But, before I further damage my own karma, I'll go with the upside of this.

My feet are evidently getting old, along with the rest of me. I'm 60. It's time to realize that I can't do what I did at 30. However, I refuse to throw in any towels. I'm going to make this body work for me, not against me. What Dr. Jerkface (aka: Owen McIvor, Redlands, California ... just in case anyone wants to avoid him) did for me was to make me realize that nobody out there has the answers for me. I'm in this alone. I'm smart. I'll figure it out.

So, issues are: arthritis in the feet, knees without cartilage, need for more of a calorie-burn, time constraints (demanding job), and a food plan that I can live with forever and that aids in flushing fat.

FEET: Starting with Dr. Jerk's suggestion (assuming he knows something about feet), I ordered some Skechers. I had to get a larger size, because Skechers-folk don't believe that fatties with uber-wide feet would want to walk. Just as there are dress designers who think that petites can't get fat. Meanwhile, I'll just continue to load up on Advil.

KNEES: Continue to modify yoga and do more muscle-building around the crunchy things.

THE BURN: Really get the heart rate up while I'm doing stuff like bikes (not on my feet). In fact, I need to find a way to kick it up everyday. I'll investigate. I believe that I have rarely registered "vigorous" activity on my Body Media because I pretty much have to hold back in the foot work. Upper body vigorous is what I need.

FOOD: I'm sorry sweet Emily (nutritionist at Fitness Ridge), but your nutritional, 1200 cal meal plans just don't do it for me. When I weigh into the ridge on a Sunday night (with water bloat and full day's food) and out the next Sunday morning (before breakfast, even) and experience a big one-pound loss the first week and three pounds the second time, last January, I'm thinking it's maybe not so much about 1200 calories. Hell if I know what it IS about, but I'll figure this one out, as well. My net loss, by the by, was one pound this last time, also, going by my own scales before and after. I'm reading the Reader's Digest version of Why We Get Fat... , which I've heard good things about.

Before I die, I'll figure this out. Period.

It's a Conspiracy, I Tell You!

So I've been patiently waiting for my appt. next week with the foot doctor.  My exercise has been less than stellar as a result. Though I can work up a good "glow" on the bikes and machines, I'm averaging twice a week. That isn't going to cut it. In the back of my mind, I keep saying that once I get medical help, it will all be okay. That was, until the convergence of my three or four different calendars took me by surprise.

It turns out that doctor day just happens to be like the most incredibly jam-packed day I've had in years! I'm NOT giving up my appointment, though. No way! So far, I've been able to juggle and jostle, but it's going to be quite the trick.

Breakthrough Day

To start with, this was a downer week because I realized that I was going to have to keep off my feet until the doc sees them. I hit the bikes and machines and cut out the snacks. Even though they were healthy snacks, I typically run about 300 calories over my daily goal.

Today was awesome! I found out I could live without those 300 calories/day. Who knew?

This one is tacky, but it's the honest to God truth. I spent the day scooting off to the ladies'. It sounds crazy, but I swear my body has finally simply decided to let go of this fat. We'll see.

I also found out that I actually could stay awake until the 5:30 yoga class. I always try, but by Fridays, all I can think of doing is getting home and crashing. Not tonight. Who knew?

While in yoga class, I discovered that, although I haven't been there in a couple of months, I was better at it today than I'd been before. I actually had a bit of balance. (BLR stretch classes, maybe?) Who knew?

Tonight, I sit before you with a fresh case of  optimism. I watched my recorded BL show, where the doctor told the girl on the pink team that she had 58% bmi ... worse than mine, even! He said she was just going to have to suck it up and devote 90 min/day, 6 days/week to working out for the rest of her life. Revelation. Someone has it worse than me. I got right off my pity pot, right there. I may have to do an hour a day, forever. Oh, well. Pink girl has to do 1.5 hours. I've got this. Who knew?

We shall see ...

Time Management

Nothing like wasting an entire day at the computer to make one realize that the problem lies in the butt-factor. I did get up and walk for an hour but, other than that brief move, the rest of the day was in the tootsies-up position. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

Hi, my name is Grammi, and I'm a computer-addict.

Next step: Find something that will push me out of the chair. If I say I can only eWork a certain amount of time per day, I'll just blow it off and continue working. Since this is where I seem to live, both at home and at work, I'm trying out a new gadget for my iGoogle page. It automatically sets for an hour at a time. The plan: An hour on/An hour off.  This is hopeful for home.

At school, I plan on absolutely doing the things that must be done onsite, first. Then, when my reminder pops up to go to the gym, I'll be able to continue what is left at home, on the computer.

My weekly weigh-in showed a big 0.2 lb loss this WEEK. Not day. Week. On the why-not-take-the-bright-side, it was a loss. However, I'll admit that I am saddened, because I really thought that the week following 7hr/day exercise would have revved-up my metabolism.

Last night was actually pretty funny. I was feeling sorry for myself and, because I'd been online for so long, I was suddenly ravenous. So I hit the Fresh & Easy, thinking I'd get something comforting and to heck with "smart eating". I was staring at the convenience foods when I heard, "Hey, you!". There was my hairdresser, to whom I had just raved about BLR the day before. Of course, I couldn't admit to blowing my plans, so we both wound up with Eat Well items (their healthy choices). It was actually very good and I didn't miss the more fattening stuff at all. Life is funny like that. Yeah, it is.

Regrouping

What to do?

One week after returning to reality and oh, my God! What to do? Work consumed my time and I only got to the gym twice, I think. Then, the water main broke at school and we had to use porta potties; so naturally, I drastically reduced my water consumption. The food part wasn't so hard, until tonight, when I just felt so wiped-out from 6-7 hours of sleep a night, all I wanted to do was eat! I'm not giving up, I'm just saying I need to regroup. I need to figure this out!

Send Grammi Back to BLR!

If you register for a week at Biggest Loser Resort and mention my name, we'll both get $100 off! I'm determined to return for at least two weeks at one time, but I'm not a wealthy Grammi. I need all the help I can get. If you help me get back there, you'll be helping yourself, too! It's a win-win!

I left this morning with a heavy heart, but a lighter body. How many "girls" (I realize that I'm stretching that word) can say they were measured by the Biggest Loser, Sam? Whoohoo! Speaking of that cutie-patootie, one of the fellow guests quoted his words of encouragement to her. I hope I get it right: 

You can't change how something began, but you can change the way it ends. - Sam

Before I even got to my house, I stopped at the grocery and picked up the goodies that would make me successful at home, as Essara taught us. BLR made my lunch for me, so all I had to worry about was dinner and tomorrow :)  I'm good to go.

I will be back.

This Journey Has Just Started

Today started with my last hike to Pt. Dume. I put myself in a group of studs which, of course, meant that I took up the rear. Our sweet guide had to stick with me. He wouldn't even let me just wait for the power-packers to climb back up the hill. Instead, we went exploring and wound up "hiking" the shi-shi neighborhoods of Malibu. Even at that, my feet were screaming at me on the way back. I will find out what causes this foot pain. When I do, watch out, power-packers! However, they did hurt, so I opted for the pool class instead of circuit.

I said goodbye to the grounds today by taking pictures of everything and having a wonderful pedicure. Our goodbye dinner was hysterically funny. There's some real comedic talent here.

This place isn't a resort. As so many people expressed tonight, it's a safe place to learn about yourself. Both Malibu and Ivins do that. So, back to my original promise to say which one is best ... the best one is the one you go to. Because going is the key. I'll be back.