Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Ding Dong, the Bitch is Dead!

Yesterday was a lucky day. I had a mirror held up to my face from start to finish.

First, I was up and in the gym at 4:30. That's AM, folks. Good thing, right there, but it gets better. I met with my new trainer (yes, another good thing!) and, as she was asking me questions about my eating and exercising habits, I found myself telling her these great things: I eat healthy foods, only ... I walk 2 miles almost everyday ... I'm doing Weight Watchers ... etc. Now that I think about it, she must have been cracking up inside, hearing this from a large bodied woman. She's very nice, though, and didn't let on that I was a walking anomaly. She just suggested that I change my thinking to positive expectations. Wow. I don't have a positive expectation? No, I guess I don't, come to think of it. But wait, folks, we're not done.

Later, in my FaceBook group, someone was begging for help because she had gotten so off-track with her weight-loss. I simply replied that, oh well, some of us will ALWAYS be working on it ... just get back on track again. Now, I was thinking that's a nice reply. Really. I was. I got schooled by the next guy who basically told me I'd never lose if I didn't quit thinking that way.

The day culminated in my therapist's office (a scheduled visit, not because of FaceBook) where she pretty much told me I didn't come across as a positive, happy person. What??? Me??? Of course, I'm in there for a specific issue which isn't particularly happy, so it does make some sense that I wouldn't be a bubbly bundle of joy when we talk. Still, she doesn't see the positive me at all? Mirror, mirror, on the wall ...

I have lost the power of positive thinking! When did that happen? I used to have it (and I used to be thinner!). Somehow, I've conned myself into thinking I'm still upbeat, happy, and quite the optimist, when I'm actually portraying a whole different image. Why are we the last to know these things about ourselves?

Goals! I'm setting improvement goals (therapist's suggestion) that aren't locked into a number, but just saying that I will improve in the healthy areas. I'm resetting my mental image of my physical me. I'm NOT going to succumb to a life of dieting. This is a fix-it period and then I will continue with healthy eating, but the point-counting, etc. won't be necessary. Well, that's a relief, right there!

The universe speaks to us. Sometimes it takes three messengers to get our attention, but it does speak. Goodbye, negativity!


  1. Garri, for starters on the "positivity path" I would not refer to yourself, even in the past tense, as a "b*tch." You are an awesome person... think of yourself that way! You are deserving of the same or better treatment that you would give a Facebook friend. Would you call one of them a "b*tch?"

    When I started my marathon training, our coaches told us repeatedly that they KNEW we could do it. We did not "know" we could do it. We highly DOUBTED we could do it, since not a one of us could even run a quarter of a mile! (No joke.) The coaches and mentors gave us so much positive reinforcement that it was almost overkill but we needed it!

    Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else. I believe in you.

  2. Oh, please, Sunshine. I have been negative. I see no difference in saying that and saying I was bitchy. Same thing, just a "b*d" word.

    Note on amazing, immediate results: It has only been two days since the mental shift and I totally feel thinner! Swear. Same food, same exercise (plus an intro to machines), but new outlook. It may be the way I've always been, but just didn't allow myself to feel it. Well, I'd much rather feel this way! Happy, happy, happy!